Homecoming

For the last month I had been worried about today. It was the homecoming of a missionary...the one who'd been my best friend all through high school, the one I'd dated for three ears and had written off 10 months ago. He knows I got married so I was nervous it'd be SO AWKWARD seeing him again, just because I was unsure at how he'd react to seeing me. Just ask my husband and friend Sarah, I've been talking about today for a long time, making up worst-case scenarios in my head and just wondering how he was handling it.

Last night was rough as this kid swam through every dream, and there were a lot, because every time I'd wake up to get him out... but every time he came right back. DUMB.

So I got up after a long night, got ready, and went upstairs to find my step-mom, Judy, who complimented my hair, mentioned I'd been married for a month and asked if I was nervous. Yes. Yes, I was. I guess someone had told her that this was a big day. That I'd had a missionary. That I was seeing the boy whose heart I broke in order to get married. Judy made sure I wasn't going alone, that I had a friend to arrive and sit with then was quiet.

After breakfast I went downstairs to grab the keys. I was anxious leaving my husband behind but we'd decided it'd be best if he stayed out of this. I kissed him and said "I love you," nervously glancing back, hoping to see an encouraging face. He smiled at me.

As I walked out the door I heard Judy say "good luck!" and I was extremely grateful for her motherly encouragement this morning. I then wondered what it'd been like had it been my own mom. She'd understand just how hard this really was, she'd see why I was so nervous...

I got in the car and on the radio played "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban. GREATEST TENDER MERCY EVER. I was then calm all the way to pick up Sarah and to the homecoming.

We drove up and got out of the car and there he was, holding the door open for people. CRAP. The moment had arrived an hour and twenty minutes earlier than planned. I shook in my heels, exclaiming my feelings out loud to Sarah as quietly as I could as we approached the door. He saw us. He saw me. BREATHE!

"Well, Jacob Hall. How are you doing?"

To my surprise he responded in a positive tone. One I was used to coming from him. "I'm good! How are you?"

I found it hard to look him in the face. Probably something he was used to. I didn't used to be able to look people in the eye... not even him after all that time... "I'm good!" I noticed his hair was combed to the side, that was different, but it looked good! "I really like your... (motion the side sweep above his forehead) hair. It looks good."

"Thanks."

Keep walking, keep walking! The worst of it was over. Finally... and it went better than I thought it would :) So it came time to sit, sing, and listen to him speak. His topic was conversion and testimony and he took up 30 minutes. It was a good 30 minutes. I got to understand how he was handling it so well... and I also realized that it'd been so long since he heard I was probably going to marry Alex. He was totally fine, and he'd probably stay that way if he kept living the way he talked about for those 30 minutes. Here's to hoping.

It was a little awkward after sacrament meeting when all the friends gathered to talk to him. Sarah and I stood nearby, and talked to his parents as they walked by. That was natural. It came time for everyone to head over to Jake's house for a luncheon, the one I'd decided I wouldn't go to for his sake. We all left the building together though. I talked to a couple of friends who'd gotten married while Jake was on his mission while Sarah started talking to Jake. I merged over to my car to leave, unlocked it and I heard a "Hey Erin!" I looked up to see Jake looking at me, smiling and waving. "Bye!" he yelled. WHAT A RELIEF.