It's interesting how life changes. I've heard from the ages of 18 to 21 are the roughest years of our life because of all the decisions that' are to be made. Well, no one told me that one of those decisions is to become who you'll be for the rest of your life. Really, there is a big question as to who my best friends are as of now. I need people to surround me with love, but at the same time... I have to be picky. Which of them are the type of people I want to be more like? That's what I'm trying to decide.
The inspiration for this post has been after visiting a friend who's gone away to school. SURPRISE! Yeah, I didn't even know he was in town. I just happened to stop by his house because I'd heard his parents have been asking people how I'm doing. I hadn't talked to this particular friend in over a week. I'd tried, but he'd never respond. The times he did say hey, it ended after I asked how he was doing, because he'd say nothing else. As I was leaving his house today his family all gathered around the door to say goodbye, and he just walked by on his way to his room saying one word: "bye."
I confronted him about this. I asked whether he still considered me a friend, whether he still cared for me that way. What did I get? Silence.
Silence is worse than hearing someone's honest opinion. At least it doesn't leave you hanging. Doubting. Feeling like a part of you is missing.
The big question is who am I? Do I really need this kind of friend, one who never says anything? Do I need the kind of friend who doesn't let me squeeze a word in? Do I need the kind of friend who doesn't make me my best self? The answer is no... but how do I cope with all this change?
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